Airport Debuts Faster Security Line for Cash Bribes

Mark Terrace

23 Oct 2025

Noting that customers demand more options beyond TSA PreCheck and CLEAR to expedite their travel, Orlando International Airport today introduced the "$ Line" for travelers willing to pay a cash bribe.

"We also accept jewelry, gold coins and designer watches," added an official, before quickly adding that they are hoping to accept cryptocurrencies soon.

Chumbawamba Sells Music Catalog for $18

The band, known for their party anthem song "Tubthumper", announced today that they had sold their music catalog to an unnamed private equity firm. Sources close to the group say the deal included several additional perks such as a round of drinks and a handful of scratch-off lottery