Experts Find that 3rd Grade Valentine's Day Card Still Most Effective Means of Finding Soulmate

Cambridge, MA – Researchers at MIT and Harvard today announced that Valentine's Day cards delivered to your classmates in 3rd grade remain the most effective means of finding the ideal romantic partner in life.

"The evidence is clear," said Marieanne Joseph, one of the lead researchers. "If you don't find true love on Valentine's Day by the time you are 9, you are statiscally unlikely to ever find it."

Some researchers questioned the study's methodology, noting that many people find their true love as late as Valentine's Day in 6th grade, though this is data is disputed.

"The point still stands," responded Joseph. "If you decide to find a spouse outside of the Valentine's Day tradition, you are doing so in spite of the evidence."

St. Valentine, the day's patron saint, was unreachable for comment.