FTC Brings Antitrust Suit against God

Washington – The Federal Trade Commission today announced that it was bringing antitrust charges against God, arguing that His commandment to "have no other gods before me," was intended to prevent competition among deities.

"We at the FTC felt that it was time to address a clear act of monopolistic behavior," said Elena Cardale, one of the lawyers involved in the case. "Consumers are not given a choice in their Almighty, and that is against the law."

The case was met with strong support from the ACLU, consumer protection groups and hundreds of minor deities. Church organizations across the country have rallied in opposition, arguing that the FTC has no standing to regulate God, and further that consumers are free to choose other gods, if they accept the cost of eternal damnation.

God, through a spokesperson, stated that He does not comment on ongoing litigation.