Jesus Disappointed by Harsh Wine Spectator Review

Galilee – Jesus started the day with high hopes. The latest edition of Wine Spectator had arrived, promising at last a review of his miraculous vintage, created during the wedding feast in Galilee. Those hopes were soon dashed.

"Regrettably, the 31 Château Savior Cabernet Sauvignon fails on nearly every level," began the caustic review. "The nose assaults the senses with overpowering notes of vinegar-soaked fruit and musty cardboard. On tasting, harsh tannins aggressively grip the palate, accompanied by sour, acrid flavors reminiscent of unripe berries, spoiled bell peppers, and burnt plastic. An unsettling bitterness dominates, with an intrusive chemical aftertaste that persists unpleasantly. The finish is mercifully short but leaves behind a disconcerting metallic note. Utterly lacking in balance, finesse, or any redeeming quality, this wine represents a profound disappointment. Best avoided entirely."

It concluded by awarding the wine only 55 points, one if its lowest scores in memory.

Jesus soon overcame his disappointment. "I just don't fit into the Wine Spectator mold," he said, an increasingly common complaint among contemporary wine makers. "Besides, they just don't appreciate my biodynamic miraculous methodology."

He vowed to continue to spread his message of love and wine making, promising a new vintage after his upcoming trip to Jerusalem.