Pope Excommunicates Cubs Fans

Mark Terrace

01 Nov 2025 — 1 min read

CNS

Saying that the action was "long overdue", Pope Leo II today announced that he was excommunicating all fans of the Chicago Cubs baseball team.

The pontiff insisted the action was not at all related to his own allegiance to the Chicago White Sox, and the two teams' rivalry. "God spoke clearly," he said. "I am merely following His will."

Speculation continues if any other teams would face similar condemnation, with odds markets placing the New York Yankees as clear favorites for eternal damnation.

God could not be reached for comment.

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