Supreme Court Upholds TikTok Ban after Choreographed Dance Fails to Go Viral

Washington – The Supreme Court ruled unanimously to allow a law that would force TikTok to sell to an American company or be banned within the US, following the failure of their recent choreographed dance video to gain a significant following.

The ruling stated that the government had proven that the ban was necessary for national defense, and that it was hurtful that no one appreciated the effort it took to memorize the complex dance while balancing their busy docket.

Byte Dance, the parent company of TikTok, has promised to appeal the decision directly to the CCP.