Spokane, WA – Roland Gerhart, 31, left the bathroom of the local Dave's Burgers comforted to know that employees were required to wash their hands before returning to work. "Sure, the bathroom was pretty dirty," he said before adding that the toilet appeared broken and the floor
Seattle, WA – Amazon today announced that it was improving upon its famous Same-day Prime delivery by bringing the packages before the consumer even orders. "Our AI has grown so advanced, we can now predict what our customers will order before they even know it," said Scott Marshall, VP
Stockholm – IKEA today announced the recall of thousands of Flygande flying carpets due to safety concerns with the products. The recall largely applies to products sold in Western Europe, though some American consumers may also be affected. The company gave little detail as to the nature of the defects, noting
Washington – Speaking before press today, President Trump announced that he had signed an executive order restoring Pluto's status as the ninth planet in our solar system. "Pluto has been wronged, very wronged," he said. "It's a great planet, some might say one of
Bethesda, MD – The students of Tod Hensen's 7th grade history class were treated today to a "multimedia lesson plan," according to sources close to the classroom. Their teacher, a 16 year veteran of the local school system, managed to get through a barely coherent explanation that
Cambridge, MA – Researchers at MIT and Harvard today announced that Valentine's Day cards delivered to your classmates in 3rd grade remain the most effective means of finding the ideal romantic partner in life. "The evidence is clear," said Marieanne Joseph, one of the lead researchers. "
