The band, known for their party anthem song "Tubthumper", announced today that they had sold their music catalog to an unnamed private equity firm. Sources close to the group say the deal included several additional perks such as a round of drinks and a handful of scratch-off lottery
Saying that the action was "long overdue", Pope Leo II today announced that he was excommunicating all fans of the Chicago Cubs baseball team. The pontiff insisted the action was not at all related to his own allegiance to the Chicago White Sox, and the two teams'
Calling it the work of Venezuelan drug cartels, President Trump today ordered the National Guard to protect American cities from an "invasion of masked looters." "It's absolutely terrible what's going on out there," said the President. "You've got gangs
Shaking his head in disbelief, Senator Rand Paul grasped the new parking ticket on his rented sedan. "The meter expired a few seconds ago," he muttered to himself. "How is this possible?" The experience has shaken the senator, long known as a stalwart critic of big
"Intolerance has no place in our society," said the group.
Arther Daniels, regional manager for the Dyson Software company has a problem, and it's not the secret North Korean man he discovered had been working for him for nearly six months. It's everyone else. "The man works like his life depends on it, which I&
Noting that customers demand more options beyond TSA PreCheck and CLEAR to expedite their travel, Orlando International Airport today introduced the "$ Line" for travelers willing to pay a cash bribe. "We also accept jewelry, gold coins and designer watches," added an official, before quickly adding that
The move sent markets tumbling as the U.S. lost access to its only source of rare pandas.
The saint was reacting to concerns from Wall Street that he was failing to monetize a highly defensible service.
Noting that nothing whets the appetite quite like lugging a fully grown man up a wooded path, author Sally McKenney went on to elaborate her favorite chicken pot pie recipe. "The day was crisp and cool, just perfect for gathering leaves and burning my soiled clothing," she wrote
"Our customer's privacy is our top priority," began CEO Damien Pierce, before proceeding to explain how his company had accidentally shared all private data with a group of Russian hackers. "As CEO," he continued, "I take full irresponsibility for this oversight, and pledge