Mark Terrace
Creeping Smile Signals Stephen Miller Again Daydreaming of Deporting Dora the Explorer
Nancy Pelosi, Pioneering Investment Genius, to Retire
Nancy Pelosi, the "female Warren Buffet", today announced her retirement. Starting with $600,000 in 1987, Pelosi and her husband grew their stock portfolio to over $130m — a return of 16,930%, beating the Dow Jones index by over 8x. In the last decade alone she has consistently
Newly Victorious Democrats Seize Initiative, Failure
Responding to an overwhelming sweep of the off-year elections, Senate Democrats today pressed their advantage by giving into Republican demands to end the government shutdown without extending healthcare subsidies. "We wanted to wait until the election to see what the people had to say," said one senator who
Jesus' Name Used in Vanity Fair
State Dept Issues Travel Warning against Valley of the Shadow of Death
Economist Hospitalized after Spotting Take-a-Penny-Leave-a-Penny Tray
Dr. Alfred Grand was listed as in stable condition after being rushed to the local emergency room in a catatonic state.
Area Man Accepts Christ after Finding "John 3:16" on Bottom of In-N-Out Cup
Daniel Tutto went in looking for a quick lunch. He came away with much more. "I've never considered myself a religious person," he said. "But as I went to throw away my drink I saw something written on the bottom of the cup." John
Newly-Released George Santos Claims He's Reformed, Found God, Repaid Debts, Won Nobel Prize, Been Canonized
LinkedIn Post Heart-Breaking Confession of Amazing Professional Success
"I almost died," Tanya Karatol wrote in a widely-shared LinkedIn post. She went on to explain how her brush with death lead directly to her startup raising $14m in funding from a prestigious VC firm. "I just wanted to share my personal story so others can learn
Chumbawamba Sells Music Catalog for $18
The band, known for their party anthem song "Tubthumper", announced today that they had sold their music catalog to an unnamed private equity firm. Sources close to the group say the deal included several additional perks such as a round of drinks and a handful of scratch-off lottery
