Obstinate Birther Still Demands Proof Obama Was Ever Born

Court Room Artist Enters Blue Period

Ruptured Johnson & Johnson Rig Dumps Millions of Gallons of Baby Oil into Bay

Scientists Still Unclear Why Humans Domesticated Celery

Masochist Blackjack Player Demands to Be Hit Again

Hallmark Adds New Line of Cards to Appeal to Internet Trolls

Civil War Reenactors Unsure What to Do with Asian Guy

Serial Murderer Described by Neighbors as Extremely Suspicious, Rude, Violent

Yao Ming Starting to Regret Smart Car Endorsement

Bachelorette Party Leaves Inch-Deep Pile of Glitter in AirBnB

Eulogist Starting to Think He Shouldn't Have Gone for Humor

Apple Clarifies Pregnant Man Emoji Actually Just Guy Who Ate Entire Pizza