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Waze Recommends Saving 3 Minutes by Driving Straight through Mall Like Scene in Blues Brothers (No Tolls)
Siri Gets Little Thrill out of Mangling User’s Simple Command
Library of Congress Thoroughly Regrets Accepting All Tweets into Historical Record
Washington D.C. – The Library of Congress formally announced today that they "regret deeply" accepting all tweets into their formal record. "When we made this decision in 2010, we thought Twitter would prove a valuable resource for historians," said spokeswoman Elena Mand. "We now know
God Updates Terms of Service
Heaven – An email miraculously arriving in all inboxes in the world this morning announced that God was updating His terms of service. The email gets right to the point, "Today I am updating My terms of service. These terms will apply as of today, February 28, 2025. I encourage
Old Naked Guy in Gym Locker Room Really Embracing Body Positivity
"They Killed This Chicken Dead," Announces Toddler to Dinner Guests
Burlington, VT – Noting that the chicken which his family and their friends were about to consume was, in fact, dead, four year old Jeremy Hanson decided to share this important fact with his dinner companions. "They killed this chicken dead," he loudly announced, pointing to remove any doubt
Pornhub Employee Fired after Pornography Not Discovered on Work Computer
Majestic Dove Secretly Just Pigeon
Blistering Heat, Low Pay as Disneyland Character All Worth It to See Sheer Terror in Child’s Eyes
Anaheim, CA – Brett Rawls clocked out after another long day at Disneyland where he works as a character performer for Goofy. Slowly removing his sweat-soaked costume, he noted that he made barely more than minimum wage in the role, all while subject to intense heat, angry parents and even the
Restaurant Patron Comforted by "Employees Must Wash Hands" Sign
Spokane, WA – Roland Gerhart, 31, left the bathroom of the local Dave's Burgers comforted to know that employees were required to wash their hands before returning to work. "Sure, the bathroom was pretty dirty," he said before adding that the toilet appeared broken and the floor
New Amazon Pre-Day Shipping Sends You Packages before You Even Order
Seattle, WA – Amazon today announced that it was improving upon its famous Same-day Prime delivery by bringing the packages before the consumer even orders. "Our AI has grown so advanced, we can now predict what our customers will order before they even know it," said Scott Marshall, VP