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Supreme Court Rules Eternity of Having Liver Eaten by Eagle Does Not Violate 8th Amendment
Washington – In a landmark ruling, the Supreme Court today ruled 6-3 against Prometheus in his suit against Zeus. Prometheus had claimed that Zeus violated his 8th amendment protection against "cruel and unusual punishment" by sentencing him to be chained forever to a rock whereupon an eagle would arrive
Jesus Disappointed by Harsh Wine Spectator Review
Galilee – Jesus started the day with high hopes. The latest edition of Wine Spectator had arrived, promising at last a review of his miraculous vintage, created during the wedding feast in Galilee. Those hopes were soon dashed. "Regrettably, the 31 Château Savior Cabernet Sauvignon fails on nearly every level,
Woman Dives into Closing Elevator Like Indiana Jones Escaping Temple of Doom
JD Vance Still Looking for Perfect Emoji to Respond to News of Military Strike
Drug Trafficker Appalled at Government's Operational Security
Juarez, Mexico – Pablo Gutierrez, or "El Cabra" (the goat) as he is known in the drug underworld, could not contain his reaction to news that top U.S. officials, including the Secretary of Defense and Vice President had communicated sensitive war plans to a reporter via Signal, a
Flight Attendant Informs Ryan Air Passengers that Flotation Devices Can Be Purchased in Case of Water Landing
New AI Tech Support Promises to Not Help Customers Faster than Ever
Tired of waiting on endless hold to reach technical support? Frustrated with unhelpful employees who either can't or won't help you solve your problem? Finally there is hope. A raft of new AI-powered tech support tools promise to revolutionize tech support, enabling companies to not help
Snuggle Bear, Fabric Softener Advocate, Dead in Tragic Drier Incident
Soldier Sent to Front Lines in Ukraine Can't Believe His Luck to Leave North Korea
Intelligence Experts Worry JFK Papers Could Harm National Security by Exposing CIA to Accountability
Putin Warns that Ukraine Peace Deal Will only Embolden Estonia to Be Invaded
Moscow – During today's summit between Russia and the United States to discuss a potential end to the conflict in Ukraine, President Putin made his concerns clear. "A premature resolution that leaves Ukraine armed and able to join NATO will only embolden Estonia to be invaded," he